1. Weeds. I was going to say more about that but I think its pretty much wrapped up in the one word.
2. When little sticks and leaves fall down the gap in the back of your pants and gather in your undies. Please tell me that this happens to other people too…
3. Roundup weed killer on the sole of your gumboot. You’ll only discover this in a few days time when you’re wondering how the lawn got that weird pattern of dead spots.
4. When your gloves start to feel wet on the inside. Usually after some enthusiastic hose use. It just feels yucky, ok?
5. When you pull out a ‘weed’ only to discover that it was a keeper and you desperately shove it back in the ground, only to find it a few days later all limp and browning, making you suffer its slow death as a reminder to how silly you can be.
6. When the phone rings inside and there’s a moment when you frantically try to remove your gumboots while running, before giving up and letting it ring out. I say, ‘letting it ring out’, when I mean, you missed it anyway, you’re probably lying on the ground somewhere.
7. When, later that evening, the phone rings inside the house and you can’t find the handset.
8. Poo-traps, both the dog and chicken kind. Particularly on the occasion that you decide to ‘risk it’ and go inside with your gumboots still on.
9. Other peoples gardens. They fall into two categories: either making me feel inadequate, or leave me thinking they really need to put more effort in. Just don’t say a word about my garden.