power to the suburban people

A few things in suburban life give me a true sense of power. I thought I’d share some.

First is the trigger hose. Innocent passers by are powerless against the soaking might of my eight function trigger nozzle. Standing legs slightly akimbo, my ergonomic pistol in hand, I’m ready to take out any dissident (or innocent). “Go ahead, make my day”, I threaten passers by. My top lip curled and twitching.

Number two, kitchen power tools. You know what I’m talking about, the way the power whisk magically beats egg whites to meringue, how the oven burns the bejeebers out of stuff when you’re not looking, and how the freezer makes ice. Awesome. It’s there, in the back of your mind, you’re thinking, “yeah, I did that, I put water in that ice tray and now look at it!”

That knob on the stereo that makes the sound move from one speaker to the other. Right, left, right. I can’t play an instrument but damn-straight I can make noise move!

Special treatment in the local establishment, only because you’re in the know (ie, you’re a local but don’t let that stop you feeling like celebrity). Striding through, you know you’re going too far when you give the Queen’s wave. Besides, almost everyone else is a local too and they don’t appreciate the wave.

Internet shopping. I’m buying all sorts of stuff and I haven’t even had to stand up!

So who said suburban life was dull … what gives you a sense of suburban power?


image: Edward Scissorhands (1990)


10 thoughts on “power to the suburban people

  1. Used to be I was the only one of my friends whose fridge had an ice maker. When we had pot luck parties, I was assigned to bring the ice. Always perfection and everyone loved my “dish”.

  2. We have gone american … over here too – we can buy our ice cubs in the supermarket those day. Nearly the best thing since sliced bread and Knorr stock pots. Have a great week.

  3. In Texas suburbs (mine, anyway) we are always outside. No one else is — ever. I live in a veritable paradise of wild birds, animals, natural beauty, and the only people I see out on my street are the neighbor’s lawn workers. They’re all inside their houses or cars — with the A/C fully operational — drinking their iced tea with lots of ice.

    Me? I could live with or without an ice maker or A/C, but give me trees and fresh air. And a water hose with 8 settings. :)

  4. Interesting perspective and very enjoyable read. Here, it is not quite a suburb, but it is a village so that will suffice for my “argument.” Here, then, there is power in cars it seems. Spring and summer are the realm of loud motors and fast turns at corners, much to the annoyance of “older” residents… though we have all done this and must remember that it is perhaps the irresistible urge to bite into life that leads to such temerity. How was it in “prehistoric” suburbs? And then there is the power of nature; the tiny seed that feeds an entire community.

  5. Pingback: Weekend Highlights – Noteworthy Articles by Fellow Bloggers – June 9, 2012 « Granny's Parlour

  6. Pingback: Weekend Highlights – Noteworthy Articles by Fellow Bloggers – June 9, 2012 | Canning Jars Blog

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